


no blinding light

by provocation



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Established Relationship, Five Stages of Grief, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Polyamory, Post-Canon, domestic angst, this hurts so much more in light of episode 69
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 19:21:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11789763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/provocation/pseuds/provocation
Summary: Elves live much, much longer than humans. By the time most humans die, elves are just reaching adulthood.Kravitz, on the other hand, is going to live forever.





	no blinding light

_ i. _

They bury Magnus in a plot near their house, connected to their backyard by a winding path through the forest. Mushrooms and moss start growing over his grave almost instantly, thanks to one devoted follower of Pan. The funeral is modest, but not for want of attendees; Taako and Kravitz have received condolences from thousands who had wished to pay their respects.

_ Thank you _ , Taako had to pen a hundred times, magic quills writing the letters down when his hands got tired.  _ But we’ve decided to have a private ceremony. _

Perhaps there’s something more to say, something like  _ we know he was your hero _ or  _ we know he saved the world, and it would make him happy to know how loved he was _ . But neither of them add anything like that to any of the notes. In all honesty, they’re too tired.

Angus makes most of the arrangements. He and Taako sit together and go over Magnus’ possessions: his weapons, his magic fish, a heavy bean. His IPRE badge, and Captain Captain Bain’s badge.

Angus picks up the dog-eared copy of  _ Caleb Cleveland: Kid Cop _ , and opens it to a random page. He hasn’t been a kid in years, but he remembers every word— and he starts to tear up the second he spots one of Magnus’ notes in the margins. Angus keeps the book.

Taako keeps Steven.

Kravitz doesn’t keep anything of Magnus’ at all, although Taako offers him the chance to look. Taking any of these things would be wrong; it’s not like he gave Magnus a whetstone like Killian had, or Johann’s music. The years he spent getting to know Magnus were only a blip in time, and so he doesn’t feel the same depth of grief that Taako and Angus do. It’s devastating, but not debilitating. He doesn’t have the right to take anything.

When he points this out, Taako looks furious and storms away. Kravitz is left wondering if he’s made a mistake, but Taako returns, eyes watering like they have been all day. “What about this?”

In the palm of his hand are the three rings that Magnus had always worn. One is copper—Kravitz’ brain supplies its name as  _ ring of the Giant-slayer _ . One is a dark blue metal, and Kravitz knows from memory and not sight that there’s a name engraved inside it. His wedding ring from Julia.

Taako lifts up the third ring, which matches the ring worn on his own hand, and on Krav’s ring finger. The three rings are moonstone, and the years of use have not disintegrated the stone nor let the colours fade in any way. “You never gave him anything, huh?”

“I don’t want to— I don’t know where—” Kravitz feels like he’s on the edge of a breakdown, and maybe Taako senses that in his voice, so he pockets the ring and doesn’t say anything else. He moves forward and leans into Krav’s shoulder, pulling him into a stilted hug. Kravitz moves to press his lips to Taako’s scalp, but then he hesitates, remembering how cold his mouth will be.

They haven’t kissed since Magnus died.

 

_ ii. _

He expects to hear the question as soon as they find out that Magnus has passed away, so he’s surprised when it takes Taako a full three days to ask him. The question comes after the funeral service, after everyone has packed up and left them alone in their house too big for two people. It catches Kravitz off-guard; he’s sorting through laundry, trying to differentiate between clothes that have belonged to all of them for decades to find out which shirts belonged to Magnus.

“Can you see him?”

Kravitz drops his pants in surprise— not the ones he’s wearing, thankfully, just the ones he’s holding. He swoops down to pick up the laundry, and doesn’t look over at the source of the question. If he had a pulse, it’d be racing. “What?”

“I know that’s not your job anymore, but I figure you probably still have an in with your old boss, right? You didn’t do anything stupid?”

Kravitz steels himself. “One time, when I had just entered the Raven Queen’s employ, I asked for two weeks of paid vacation—”

“Kravitz.”

“—to go to Fantasy Bonnaroo—”

“ _ Kravitz _ ,” Taako repeats, and Kravitz finally looks over at him, helpless. Taako is standing in the doorframe, hands balled up into nervous, flighty fists, and he looks so desperate that it breaks Kravitz’ heart. “Can you go… see him.  _ Please _ .”

“I can’t,” Kravitz says, and his voice cracks mid-word. “Taako, I— I really can’t, I’m sorry, I’m not allowed back into that plane. And even if I could see him, it wouldn’t be like… I couldn’t bring him  _ back _ . And I couldn’t take you with me. Isn’t that… wouldn’t that be worse?”

Taako’s lip is quivering, and he looks like he very much wants to say no, but after a minute of silence he nods, trembling. “Do you think… do you think he’s with Julia?”

“I hope so,” Kravitz answers without hesitation, and he remembers Julia’s soul— the most free-spirited spirit he’d ever had the opportunity to meet. “Most likely.”

“Do you think he’s happy?” Taako’s wide, watery eyes make him look childlike, and it breaks Kravitz’ heart anew.

“I hope so,” he breathes, and the words are a prayer to his long-absent Queen.

 

_ iii. _

He catches Merle outside their house at dawn, prostrate in the early morning light. Merle is speaking to someone Kravitz can’t see, but all the plants in their yard are blooming— even the vegetables. Krav doesn’t intrude, watching from the living room.

“You again,” a loud voice booms, filled with an equal mixture of adoration and exasperation. “What can I do for you today, Merle?”

“I think we both know the drill at this point,” Merle says. “Three questions.”

“You got it.”

“Is there…” Merle fidgets around, shifting his weight from knee to knee. He looks gaunter than usual; Kravitz hasn’t seen him like this since they lost Lucretia. “Is there anything that can be done?”

“No,” the otherworldly voice says. “I’m sorry.”

“Alright, figured. That’s okay. Next one,” and Merle winces before asking, “did it… hurt?”

This reply is so fast it nearly cuts Merle off. “No. Not at all.”

“Quietly in his sleep, eh? That’s good, that’s good. He deserves that. And, uh… okay. One more. Is he happy?”

Silence, then: “Yes.” Kravitz feels an intense wave of relief, and he steps back from the window, letting that knowledge wash over him. Magnus is happy. He’s in a better place. He’s  _ happy _ .

Merle grins, and nods. “Thanks, Pan. You’re a real good sport.”

“You know what, Merle?” The grass around Merle’s ankles and calves whispers in the wind. “I’ll give you a bonus question. From what I’ve seen, you’ve been through a lot lately; especially now that Mavis is on her third marriage.”

“Oh boy, don’t even start,” Merle chuckles, and then frowns in deep thought. “Hmmm. Okay. Bonus final question for God. Oh! Okay. Here goes. Pan, I heard that if you get a Taco Bell tattoo, they’ll give you free food for life. Is that true?”

The wind abruptly halts, and the plants in Kravitz’ yard shrink back down to their regular size. Nothing more is heard from Pan this time around.

 

_ iv. _

“When I lost Killian, I thought I’d never feel happiness again,” Carey says, and Kravitz wants to pluck his eyes out of his skull and plug his ears so he doesn’t have to be present for this. Taako is leaning forward, apparently enraptured, so Krav reluctantly sips his tea and tries to swallow down the overwhelming sadness in his throat with it.

Taako watches Carey, smart eyes fixed on her blue scales. They aren’t quite as blue as they used to be, but it feels like everyone these days is growing old. “And then?”

“No  _ and then _ .” Carey shrugs, looking miserable. “I’ve never felt as happy as I did when I was with her. I thought I would never get over her, and I was right. I miss her like a limb, Taako, but it… it does get easier. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but… with time, things are going to be okay. I think Magnus would have known that. He wouldn’t have left you behind if he thought you weren’t going to be okay.”

“He’s left me behind a hundred times before,” Taako complains, but it isn’t as barbed as usual. “The first planet we went to, he got poisoned trying to save all these baby animals. It was horrible.”

“That’s so Magnus,” Carey hiccups, and her eyes are wet but she’s smiling.

“ _ So _ Magnus,” Taako says. His smile is bitter. “He told me that’s how he wanted to go out— a hero.”

Carey’s expression softens. “And that is how he went out.”

“He wanted to die saving people, not die of being  _ old _ ,” Taako says, and Kravitz hazards a look at his husband. Taako looks even more despondent than he had an hour ago, and Krav wonders if it was a bad idea to invite Magnus’ old friend over. Carey’s lost the love of her life too, so Kravitz thought maybe she could relate.

“He saved so many people, Taako.” Carey glances over at Kravitz, and something twitches on her face. “It’s good that you two have each other through all this.”

Neither of them can say anything to that without being dishonest, so neither of them do. Kravitz nods, and his gaze catches on the half-necklace Carey’s wearing that says “ST ENDS VER.”

 

_ v. _

That night, he can’t help but ask as they’re lying in bed together, “Do you still love me?”

“Kravitz,” Taako groans, and it cuts through Kravitz’ undead heart like a hot knife through butter. “ _ Babe _ .”

He rolls over in bed, and Kravitz instinctively pulls away so as not to brush against him. During their years together, there have been a hundred complaints about cold feet, and now that Magnus isn’t here to warm up the space between them Kravitz is worried it’ll be even worse.

But Taako ignores his hesitance and leans in to kiss him, and it’s the biggest relief Kravitz has ever felt. He kisses back, and when Taako reaches over to hold him despite his lack of heat, Kravitz realizes he’s crying.

“That was selfish,” he mutters when Taako finally pulls back. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have—”

And Taako just kisses him again, maybe to shut him up this time. Kravitz inhales, shaking, and kisses Taako like he’s going to lose him too.

“I love you both,” Taako whispers, and it’s a phrase Kravitz has heard so many times before.  _ I love you both _ as they all fall into bed together for the first time— and all the times after that.  _ I love you both _ at the renewal of Lup and Barry’s vows, announcing the relationship through a mic on-stage, much to the surprise of the audience.  _ I love you both _ the first time they’d all fought.  _ I love you both _ as Kravitz’ washes Magnus’ hair.  _ I love you both _ through kisses, and tears, and now to death.

They kiss and kiss until their mouths are tired, and Kravitz feels warm all over. He brushes his hand through Taako’s hair, and Taako sighs. “You still love me too, right?”

“That can’t be a serious question,” Kravitz peeks at him through one eye, and then kisses his nose. “I quit my dream job because I didn’t want to get your lich sister in trouble. I believe that’s what the teens call love.”

“You’re a dork,” Taako mutters, but he kisses Kravitz’ nose right back. Kravitz is about to fall asleep like that when Taako speaks again, catching him off-guard. “Krav… when I die… you’re going to be okay, right? Because I’ve been worried about you for the past few days. I know you love Magnus, and I—”

“Shush,” Kravitz says, suddenly stricken with grief all over again. “Shh. We’ve got  _ hundreds _ of years to worry about that. You and I are going to live for a very long time. We’re going to stay alive together for centuries and make Magnus proud.”

Taako sniffles, and Kravitz says nothing of it, only pulling him closer. What he doesn’t tell Taako is that whenever he dies, Kravitz will follow. It won’t matter if it’s four hundred years from now or tomorrow, and it’s not a matter of being able to make it on its own. It’s just that the human and elf he fell in love with are the sole reasons he’s stayed on this plane, and now that one of those reasons has died, his resolve to stay with Taako forever is solidified.

He remembers Magnus telling him privately about how he’d never been scared of death, because he knew it would reunite him with Julia. Some would call Magnus a fool, but Kravitz has seen first-hand how real his love is. He understands completely.

Taako and Kravitz fall asleep in each other’s arms, and all is well.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic for TAZ so if you noticed anything strange, please let me know and I'll fix it! My tumblr is montparnasse, so you can also feel free to come yell at me there. Thank you for reading! <3


End file.
